Confession: I stole the title from a really cool album by Sovereign Grace Music. I stole it with good intentions though because it completely encompasses all that I'm feeling at the current moment. I'm sure they wouldn't mind.
I am completely exhausted. Thursday night I started feeling sick, so I took my trusty Tylenol PMs in hopes they would do the trick. They didn't. 4:30 am rolled around and - to put it nicely - I found myself with some kind of stomach virus. It was horrible. Needless to say I didn't go to work on Friday. I hate missing work. Having a sub stresses me out more than just going to work myself. Is that strange? Probably.
Anyway, so I was hoping this 3 (now 4) day weekend would be a nice little respite with Jesus. So far though, it's turned out to be more of a respite with my pillow. :( I feel like that is such a waste! I did find encouragement from my Ghanian friend, Gideon, though: "I will talk to our Savior about you. He will give you strength as you rest in Him." Indeed. Our God is good. Now if only I'd be faithful to be still and rest in Him...
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for You, O God." Psalm 42:1
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Warning: Venting
I hate this time of year more than ANYTHING. And I mean anything. I hate having to undo what some people have done during the first 4-6 years of their child's life. It is a daunting, exhausting, and highly irritating task that I don't wish upon ANYONE. And I mean anyone. I hate having to start all over. I hate the training leg of this 9-month race. (That thought reminded me of Jesus. Perhaps I'll go there in my next post. For now, I want to vent some more...) Last week, I'm pretty sure I loved my job. Today, I despise it and want a new one in a desperate way. I'm pretty sure I felt this exact same way this time last year - and the year before that, and the year before that, etc. but I don't have any proof, so I'm putting this out there in hopes that come October, I'll re-read this and say to myself, "Did I really write that??" PLEASE let that be the case!!
P.S. And by the way, since when is defiance (aka "oppositionally defiant") a medical issue, as opposed to a sin issue?? Seriously people. Seriously.
P.S. And by the way, since when is defiance (aka "oppositionally defiant") a medical issue, as opposed to a sin issue?? Seriously people. Seriously.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Obedience
I heard this story at a Bible study and cannot get it out of my head, so I must share it here. Hopefully I'll get all the details right:
Beth was at an airport waiting for her flight, studying God's Word, when she noticed all the people in front of her staring at something behind here. She waited for an opportune moment to turn and stare, and she found that the object of everyone's attention was actually a frail, peculiar-looking very old man with hair down to the middle of his back, all hunched over in a wheelchair. Immediately God told her to go over to him, and of course she argued that she was busy, studying His Word, and told Him to put the man on her flight and then she'll witness to him. God wouldn't let up and said, "Oh no, I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair." !!!! So finally Beth was obedient and went over to the man and asked him if she could brush his hair. "Well, darlin', if you really want to," he said. He let her get his brush out of his bag (because she didn't have one! ha) and she began to brush his tangled, messy, matted, but clean, hair. Once she got all the tangles out and got it looking beautiful, she knelt before him and asked, "Sir, do you know Jesus?" "I sure do," he said. "Of course you do," Beth thought. The man continued, "I've known Him Ever since I married my bride for she wouldn't marry me until I knew my Savior. I haven't seen my bride in two months because I had to go have open heart surgery and she's been too ill to visit me. I'm headed home to her and I was just thinking to myself, 'How can I see my bride looking like this? I'm such a mess.'" And that's when God sent Beth to brush this man's hair.
Doesn't that just make fall head over heels in love with Jesus? God loves us. And He meets us exactly where we are with exactly what we need.
This story also makes me think of all those "little" moments where we hear that still, small Voice telling us to do something - sometimes something as crazy as ask a little old stranger if you could brush his hair... and how often we do or don't obey that Voice. It makes me think about all the times when people in my life have obeyed His Voice and how different my life would be had they not listened. For instance, if my parents hadn't listened to Him, I wouldn't be a Christian. If my Amanda B. hadn't called me the afternoon after a bad break-up, I wouldn't have been encouraged and heard how much Jesus loves me. If Mona hadn't listened, I'd still be wandering in some desert. If those 20+ people who gave towards the Ghana trip hadn't given, I wouldn't have gone to Ghana. There are countless more stories just like that throughout my life. The impact of one person's act of obedience can impact eternity. May we all be mindful and discerning when it comes to His Voice and may He give us the boldness to act out in obedience.
"'You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt, and how I carried you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself. Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.'...." Exodus 19:4-6a
Beth was at an airport waiting for her flight, studying God's Word, when she noticed all the people in front of her staring at something behind here. She waited for an opportune moment to turn and stare, and she found that the object of everyone's attention was actually a frail, peculiar-looking very old man with hair down to the middle of his back, all hunched over in a wheelchair. Immediately God told her to go over to him, and of course she argued that she was busy, studying His Word, and told Him to put the man on her flight and then she'll witness to him. God wouldn't let up and said, "Oh no, I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair." !!!! So finally Beth was obedient and went over to the man and asked him if she could brush his hair. "Well, darlin', if you really want to," he said. He let her get his brush out of his bag (because she didn't have one! ha) and she began to brush his tangled, messy, matted, but clean, hair. Once she got all the tangles out and got it looking beautiful, she knelt before him and asked, "Sir, do you know Jesus?" "I sure do," he said. "Of course you do," Beth thought. The man continued, "I've known Him Ever since I married my bride for she wouldn't marry me until I knew my Savior. I haven't seen my bride in two months because I had to go have open heart surgery and she's been too ill to visit me. I'm headed home to her and I was just thinking to myself, 'How can I see my bride looking like this? I'm such a mess.'" And that's when God sent Beth to brush this man's hair.
Doesn't that just make fall head over heels in love with Jesus? God loves us. And He meets us exactly where we are with exactly what we need.
This story also makes me think of all those "little" moments where we hear that still, small Voice telling us to do something - sometimes something as crazy as ask a little old stranger if you could brush his hair... and how often we do or don't obey that Voice. It makes me think about all the times when people in my life have obeyed His Voice and how different my life would be had they not listened. For instance, if my parents hadn't listened to Him, I wouldn't be a Christian. If my Amanda B. hadn't called me the afternoon after a bad break-up, I wouldn't have been encouraged and heard how much Jesus loves me. If Mona hadn't listened, I'd still be wandering in some desert. If those 20+ people who gave towards the Ghana trip hadn't given, I wouldn't have gone to Ghana. There are countless more stories just like that throughout my life. The impact of one person's act of obedience can impact eternity. May we all be mindful and discerning when it comes to His Voice and may He give us the boldness to act out in obedience.
"'You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt, and how I carried you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself. Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.'...." Exodus 19:4-6a
Saturday, August 16, 2008
A little blurb
I love God. Absolutely and completely adore Him. I love so much about Him, but right at this moment, I love how He gives me just enough of what I need from Him and His Word. Just enough so that I'll catch it and recognize Who it's from and why He gave it. The Word may be a 'whole novel' or it may be just a blurb, but it's all His and all I need. I love that.
I was writing in my journal a little bit ago, just sorting out some personal thoughts, trying to figure out what I was missing. I come home to FINALLY having internet again and I begin to catch up on all the lovely blogs I've been missing for 2 whole days! ;) I come to precious Beth Moore's, and she signs off with this:
"And believe God for something BIG. He's so capable."
There it is, God said. Believe Him. Believe in His power, ability, and willingness to love us exactly the way we need to be loved - which, in this moment in time, is the something BIG for me.
"The Lord is near." Philippians 4:5b
I was writing in my journal a little bit ago, just sorting out some personal thoughts, trying to figure out what I was missing. I come home to FINALLY having internet again and I begin to catch up on all the lovely blogs I've been missing for 2 whole days! ;) I come to precious Beth Moore's, and she signs off with this:
"And believe God for something BIG. He's so capable."
There it is, God said. Believe Him. Believe in His power, ability, and willingness to love us exactly the way we need to be loved - which, in this moment in time, is the something BIG for me.
"The Lord is near." Philippians 4:5b
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Ghana 2008
Written Wednesday, July 2, 2008
It's hard to believe the 2 weeks in Ghana have come and gone. I still can't believe I'm home. I still can't believe God sent me to Africa! What an honor it was and still is to serve my Lord. So many things have happened in the last 2 weeks... so many experiences shared...
My 12 day journey in the Northern Region of Ghana proved to be a life-changing adventure with Jesus. We led a Vacation Bible School, took part in street evangelism, trained teachers to develop Sunday school lessons, registered over 275 people for National Healthcare, and visited the compounds for World Vision and Compassion International (organizations that sponsor poverty stricken children and provide them with healthcare, education, and spiritual nourishment). We saw the power of God heal a dying girl from a snake bite. We prayed over a 14 year old girl who had been bound by chains fastened by her earthly father due to her refusal to renounce her faith in Jesus Christ. The perseverance and liberty God gave her was profoundly humbling. We had the privilege of ushering over 100 souls to His Throne of Grace. Hallelujah!
I have seen with my own eyes the depth of utter hopelessness. Never could I have imagined such a thing. I remember sitting in Cheryl's (our leader) classroom and she said, "The person sitting in that chair right now will not be the same person who returns to the US. Your life is about to change dramatically." I can honestly say that I did not believe her. The Lord called me to short-term missions when I was 17, so I have been able to serve Him overseas a few other times. While all those experiences were certainly new at the time, my Ghana experiences were completely different. When I speak of utter hopelessness, I not only speak of the physical hopelessness - the poverty, the disease, families living amongst trash and sewage. Pile on top of all of that the spiritual hopelessness - idol worship, Allah worship, ancestral worship... and you come to the depth of utter hopelessness I witnessed with my very own eyes. I've never seen anything like it. And to know that this is only one depth of hopelessness - the Bottomless Pit of hopelessness is still yet to come. My spirit's jaw can only drop to the floor and I can only fall to my knees and cry out to the God Who Hears on these people's behalf that their hearts may be softened to the Holy Spirit's calling. Thank God there is still hope for them - for they are still alive and still have a chance to choose Jesus.
God taught me through Ghana that there are truly only 2 choices in life: believe God or don't. There is no middle ground. You cannot believe Him and your life stay the same. Your life will change when you believe that He is Who He says He is.
As I continue to process these experiences, I'm sure I will have to post more later. Until then, to God be the glory for the great things He has done.
"Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples... Say among the nations, 'The LORD reigns.'" Psalm 96:3, 10
It's hard to believe the 2 weeks in Ghana have come and gone. I still can't believe I'm home. I still can't believe God sent me to Africa! What an honor it was and still is to serve my Lord. So many things have happened in the last 2 weeks... so many experiences shared...
My 12 day journey in the Northern Region of Ghana proved to be a life-changing adventure with Jesus. We led a Vacation Bible School, took part in street evangelism, trained teachers to develop Sunday school lessons, registered over 275 people for National Healthcare, and visited the compounds for World Vision and Compassion International (organizations that sponsor poverty stricken children and provide them with healthcare, education, and spiritual nourishment). We saw the power of God heal a dying girl from a snake bite. We prayed over a 14 year old girl who had been bound by chains fastened by her earthly father due to her refusal to renounce her faith in Jesus Christ. The perseverance and liberty God gave her was profoundly humbling. We had the privilege of ushering over 100 souls to His Throne of Grace. Hallelujah!
I have seen with my own eyes the depth of utter hopelessness. Never could I have imagined such a thing. I remember sitting in Cheryl's (our leader) classroom and she said, "The person sitting in that chair right now will not be the same person who returns to the US. Your life is about to change dramatically." I can honestly say that I did not believe her. The Lord called me to short-term missions when I was 17, so I have been able to serve Him overseas a few other times. While all those experiences were certainly new at the time, my Ghana experiences were completely different. When I speak of utter hopelessness, I not only speak of the physical hopelessness - the poverty, the disease, families living amongst trash and sewage. Pile on top of all of that the spiritual hopelessness - idol worship, Allah worship, ancestral worship... and you come to the depth of utter hopelessness I witnessed with my very own eyes. I've never seen anything like it. And to know that this is only one depth of hopelessness - the Bottomless Pit of hopelessness is still yet to come. My spirit's jaw can only drop to the floor and I can only fall to my knees and cry out to the God Who Hears on these people's behalf that their hearts may be softened to the Holy Spirit's calling. Thank God there is still hope for them - for they are still alive and still have a chance to choose Jesus.
God taught me through Ghana that there are truly only 2 choices in life: believe God or don't. There is no middle ground. You cannot believe Him and your life stay the same. Your life will change when you believe that He is Who He says He is.
As I continue to process these experiences, I'm sure I will have to post more later. Until then, to God be the glory for the great things He has done.
"Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples... Say among the nations, 'The LORD reigns.'" Psalm 96:3, 10
Humbled
One of the hardest but most rewarding weeks is finally OVER! I will forever be grateful to any and all leaders. Leadership is absolutely the most humbling thing I have ever experienced. I helped put together the Vacation Bible School for some refugee kids from Burma, Iraq, and Nepal. They span the religions of Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, and Christianity. Those precious babies stole my heart the moment I saw them. So many came in on Monday scared and nervous and wouldn't mutter a sound, but by the end of the week, were wild and crazy just like kids should be at Vacation Bible School!
COOLEST.THING.EVER: Four languages going on all at the same time. Four different Names for Jesus - yet all for the One. I just got a taste of what Heaven will be like.
So while that was absolutely so cool, this was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Looking back, I wish I had enjoyed it more. I wish I had taken more in. While I absolutely loved every second of it and was so honored to be a part of it, I was just so focused on making sure everything went smoothly, that everyone else was happy. Leaders have to deal with everything - the complaints, the problems, the issues... It's almost overwhelming. Of course there's plenty of encouragement in there too, but I find it pretty fascinating that just last week, I journaled about knowing who I am and who I am not and choosing not to live for the approval and disapproval, the encouragement and discouragement, of any man. I choose to live solely for His approval. I must choose each day Whom I will serve. I choose Him. I prayed that those words were true and authentic... Boy, was that choice and those words ever put to an intense test! I hope I passed it...
Once again I was stretched and knocked to my knees in humility. I felt completely inadequate - and most days overwhelmed - for the job that was set before me, but once again, my God was faithful to thoroughly equip His child for the task He gave her. We will not know until His side of Heaven just what seeds were planted where, but I anticipate a 100 fold harvest. :)
My God is good and I cannot wait for the day when I hear the Names of Jesus spoken in all the world's languages. Now THAT will be the COOLEST.THING.EVER.
"After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice:
"Salvation belongs to our God,
who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb."
Revelation 7:9-10
COOLEST.THING.EVER: Four languages going on all at the same time. Four different Names for Jesus - yet all for the One. I just got a taste of what Heaven will be like.
So while that was absolutely so cool, this was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Looking back, I wish I had enjoyed it more. I wish I had taken more in. While I absolutely loved every second of it and was so honored to be a part of it, I was just so focused on making sure everything went smoothly, that everyone else was happy. Leaders have to deal with everything - the complaints, the problems, the issues... It's almost overwhelming. Of course there's plenty of encouragement in there too, but I find it pretty fascinating that just last week, I journaled about knowing who I am and who I am not and choosing not to live for the approval and disapproval, the encouragement and discouragement, of any man. I choose to live solely for His approval. I must choose each day Whom I will serve. I choose Him. I prayed that those words were true and authentic... Boy, was that choice and those words ever put to an intense test! I hope I passed it...
Once again I was stretched and knocked to my knees in humility. I felt completely inadequate - and most days overwhelmed - for the job that was set before me, but once again, my God was faithful to thoroughly equip His child for the task He gave her. We will not know until His side of Heaven just what seeds were planted where, but I anticipate a 100 fold harvest. :)
My God is good and I cannot wait for the day when I hear the Names of Jesus spoken in all the world's languages. Now THAT will be the COOLEST.THING.EVER.
"After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice:
"Salvation belongs to our God,
who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb."
Revelation 7:9-10
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Blessed
Wow, I'm still in shock of how well last night went. Though it was chaotic at first, which was expected, everything fell right into place. The Lord was all over it! Thank You, God, for Your eternal faithfulness even while I'm prone to wander.
Last night, I had a chance to have a pretty long conversation with one of the refugee women from Burma, Caroline. She had been a medical assistant in the amputee ward of the military hospital. She has seen, smelled, and heard things that I can't even begin to imagine. Caroline said that sometimes they would just run out of supplies so the amputees couldn't even have their wounds cleaned, they'd just have to suffer with infection. They were all given food full of parasites, but it's either eat that and maybe get sick or go hungry and for sure get sick.
Sometimes it's just so hard for me to remember the rest of the world. People live like Caroline - and worse - all over the world, everyday, 24/7, with no reprieve. It is so easy and comfortable to get caught up with the American & western way of life. We have it so good. We are truly, deeply blessed. I know He did it that way so we will use our blessings to give to those in need. May we be obedient.
"... we should continue to remember the poor..." Galatians 2:10
Last night, I had a chance to have a pretty long conversation with one of the refugee women from Burma, Caroline. She had been a medical assistant in the amputee ward of the military hospital. She has seen, smelled, and heard things that I can't even begin to imagine. Caroline said that sometimes they would just run out of supplies so the amputees couldn't even have their wounds cleaned, they'd just have to suffer with infection. They were all given food full of parasites, but it's either eat that and maybe get sick or go hungry and for sure get sick.
Sometimes it's just so hard for me to remember the rest of the world. People live like Caroline - and worse - all over the world, everyday, 24/7, with no reprieve. It is so easy and comfortable to get caught up with the American & western way of life. We have it so good. We are truly, deeply blessed. I know He did it that way so we will use our blessings to give to those in need. May we be obedient.
"... we should continue to remember the poor..." Galatians 2:10
Sunday, August 3, 2008
100 Fold Harvest! Luke 8:1-16
I love the way God makes Himself known. I just love it. His presence poured over the Living Proof Live Simulcast with Beth Moore this weekend. Here are a few - or thirteen - of my favorite things:
- Thanks to all Jesus has done for us, we can be women of means. (Luke 8:1-3)
- Receive His Word, act on His Word, and watch Him produce a 100 fold harvest. Surrender your life to the maximum impact of the Word of God.
- Treasure the wonder: we've been made privy to the secrets and mysteries of the knowledge of God. (Luke 8:10)
- The Word of God makes us competently competent. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)
- Protect your heart: hide His Word in your heart and allow it to assimilate, resonate, and take root into the very depths of your faith. Don't allow anyone to snatch His Word away from you - His Word is not up for grabs!
- God has a very accomplished purpose for every word He gives me. (Isaiah 55:10-12)
- Expect the test: In times of tremendous suffering, agree to sow His seeds, for we will come out with sheaves of joy! (Psalm 126:5-6)
- Dig the roots: Know that I know that I know that Jesus loves me. Your roots are as deep as you believe that God loves you. (Ephesians 3:17-19)
- Stop the choke: anxiety chokes the word right out of you. Prayer is the cure for anxiety. (Philippians 4:6-7)
- You "doing your thing" for God effects a thousand generations. (Exodus 20:5-7)
- Retain the Word: possess it as your own.
- Press forth to your 100 fold: persevere, no matter how long the road of obedience is, even if you think you've lost the vision, persevere.
- There is a time when every answer will be given, when all mystery will be accomplished, but until then, we will tell the knowledge of the secrets of God that we know. (Revelation 10:5-7)
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